Loss in “Successful” Childbearing
Rosemary Mander is an Emeritus Professor of Midwifery at the University of Edinburgh (Scotland).
Please read pages 13 – 19 and comment in the comments section of this web page
The image size is 900 x 1000 so please set your screen resolution accordingly
Focus on:
- Attachment
- Attachment and Loss
- Bonding
- The woman’s experience
I had not heard about PTSD in pregnant women due to the difficulties of carrying a baby until I read this literature. It makes me wonder if post partum depression is really a misdiagnosis of PTSD.
Also, Bowlby’s idea about adult’s grief being an adult adaptation of separation anxiety was a new concept to me. It makes complete sense when it is presented in this way. Although I would think there are less active tantrums by adults as is seen in children. I have been told that when someone loses a significant person in their life, that there is no consoling then because there will always be a void in their lives. Now I understand this more clearly.
I have friends that have miscarried children and I think that there is a definite loss that occurs when this happens. Some hospitals are handling this very sensitively now. Some will allow you to have a picture taken with your miscarried child to commemorate that the child was a person and was important.
I never knew that people would think that a mother losing her unborn child would not be just as effective as her losing a child that has experienced life. No the child has not opened his/her eyes yet or began to talk and walk, but the child was developing inside of the mother. No matter what the situation, at some point during the pregnancy the mother is anticipating the arrival of her child, to see just what she has created. To have that taken away from her before it even started must be awful.
I have never heard of a mother grieving a loss after birthing their child, but it definitely makes sense to me. Although a mother may be able to “get to know” their baby when it is inside of her, she has to generate her own ideas of how the baby will look, act, and simply be. Nine months is a long time to envision what your child will be like, so by the time the baby is born it may be difficult to adjust to how the baby actually is as a person. Although hormone issues are a huge factor in postpartum depression, this sense of loss may be another major contributing factor. I also believe a miscarriage is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. My mom had a miscarriage when I was in high school- she is typically the happiest and most energetic person I know, but for months and months after the miscarriage she exhibited extreme symptoms of depression. It takes a lot for a person to get past a miscarriage, especially if they had difficulty getting pregnant in the first place. Pregnancy is a monumental time in a person’s life and the trauma of having your own child taken away from you is nothing short of devastating.
I agree with Briana. Mothers get very attached to there babies before they are even born, so to them losing a baby before it is born is just as bad as losing it after birth. This article reminds me of that ABC Family show, The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Adrian loses her child a month before it was due and she did not leave the house for months.
I never really thought about the fact that a lot of mothers were upset about the “outside baby” being different then their fantasy “inside baby.” I guess it makes sense though. Mothers have 9 months to fantasize about what their baby is going to be like or what gender it is going to be and if there fantasies are crushed after giving birth to the child it could be depressing. Especially if the child has health problems that can affect its entire life.
Its a sad story for a mother to give up her child, either after the child is alive and well, or is still a work in progress inside the mother. I can’t say I won’t know what its like to lose a child, and I can’t really speak on this matter, but sometimes there are situations where a child has to be given up. I don’t wanna be that guy, but there are situations that do exist, I’m not saying I’m for abortion or anything like that, all I’m saying is that there are situations that do require that a mother need to give up a child… Especially if its for the child’s best interests.
Imprinting, as said in the passage was where an animal feels attached to the first animal it sees and spends a great amount of time with in its youth. This makes me wonder, if a duck spends half of the time with its biological mother and half of the other time with another female, will the baby duck be equally attached to both females or will the duck instinctively know who his biological mother is and favor her?
Bowlby’s infant behaviors to me seem absurd. In my opinion, I do not believe that babies do certain things just for the attachment to a mother. I think that some psychologists tend to read too much into individuals and some concepts such as a baby crying have no psychological meaning. Being a psychology major, I have found that many of the theories some people come up with are ridiculous and come out of imaginary thoughts in their own heads.
It is interesting what the passage said about mothers and babies bonding, even before the baby is born with the baby in the womb. A male friend and I were discussing a few days ago about this bond. Many men, like my friend, do not seem to understand why a woman feels so attached to an unborn baby. This makes me inquire, why do women feel more attached to an unborn baby than men. For example, if a woman has a miscarriage, most of the time the woman is more devastated than the father: why?
Mother’s feeling a loss over simple things such as wanting a boy and having a girl will not cause PTSD. PTSD is defines as something that develops from trauma, and by no means is having a child of the opposite sex desired a traumatic event.
This document was a very interesting to read. The study done by Lin and Lasker (1996), for example, suggests that the onset and progress of prenatal grief are affected by a range of personal factors. The sample size included women and men who were bereaved after miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal care. Based on the results shown, 41% of parents participating this study showed a steady decline in grief scores, while grief scores for smaller percentages of parents studied had increased, were delayed, or even unchanged. Perhaps there is a disconnect in misdiagnosing PTSD, because long-term or prolonged sever psychological stress or trauma is not taken into account. Diagnosis, therefore, should be a process, rather than something that is suddenly or conclusively done, and each parents’ individual circumstances (e.g. anxiety, depression, etc.) should also be considered.
This reading is very interesting to me because I have never heard of the “inside baby” versus “outside baby.” However after reading this is makes much sense. I was looking at baby pictures the other day with my mom and I was indeed a very unattractive baby. My mother also suffered from postpartum. Yet, after reading this I am almost sure it was a case of PTSD and she had been expecting me to look completely different. Mothers get an image in their head that babies are supposed to be angelic and beautiful. And of course when their own child comes out looking strange they are not going to admit that this is causing them stress.
I think it’s common for women to dream of a fantasy child during pregnancy and even before that. Women may form a picture in their mind of the baby inside them but also their hopes and expectations of the child’s life span. I feel that parents are constantly fantasizing about their children and the achievements they can make or how they will grow and who they will look like. It is possible that during and after birth a mother could be disappointed that the child is not what she expected. A mother could also be sad that the pregnancy is over. PTSD could be influenced by a traumatic birth but I am not convinced that this alone could cause PTSD. I feel that PTSD could be triggered by a variety of factors such as a mother stressed she can no longer work outside the home; a mother feeling that “her” life is over now that she has a child; a mother may regret things she did or did not before she had a child; a mother may feel overwhelmed with too many children or anxious to have another; etc. A traumatic birth could bring sadness and depression upon a day that was supposed to be joyous and exciting but I would agree that it is an accumulation of regrets and desires that trigger PTSD.